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[16 Sep 2006|10:10am] |
Tomorrow I'm getting on a big ferry and going to England for ten weeks!
You'd think I'd be terrified but I think I'm more excited than anything else. I've bought everything I need, I've sorted the paperwork and I've booked my flights home and now I just want to get started. Maybe I'm just blocking out any fear I might have of going away; everytime I'm reminded of what I'm leaving, I burst into tears.
When I actually calm down and think about it, I realise that I'm barely going away for any time at all. I'll be back in five weeks for a weekend to see my nearest and dearest. My amazing friends have got me a ticket to go see Muse that weekend and that'll be brilliant. I'll barely be home more than two days but the thought of coming back even for the shortest amount of time will really give me something to look forward to. Then five weeks after that I'll be home for Christmas for three weeks! It really isn't that long and I know I'll have a lot to distract myself with while I'm at uni. After all, I'm living the dream!
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[03 Sep 2006|03:49pm] |
Far away
The ship is taking me far away
Far away from my memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
Starlight
I will be chasing your starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
And hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
My life
You electrify my life
Lets conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
But I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
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[16 Aug 2006|04:02pm] |
So, to state the obvious, it's results day tomorrow and I am wetting myself.
You all know that my first choice is an offer of AAA and I know I won't acheive it but at the back of my mind I've always been telling myself that there's a chance I could find those grades in the envelope tomorrow. I worked SO hard for these exams and I know I did. I just wish that my hard work could be rewarded but somehow I think that there's a limit to how well I can ever do in the sciences. It's not like I'm bad at them. I've always been good at science but A level has shown me that my strengths really lie in the arts. Too bad that the thought of an arts based career bores me then. I've always wanted to be a vet and my interest has always been in science.
So my backup choice of Biovet. seems like a nice thing to fall back on. A scientific degree, based on veterinary. At the end of it, I could go on to do veterinary science but that would be an extra five years of university and who can afford to stay in education for that long? I'll probably have to settle for a veterinary related career or work in agriculture which is where my interest really lies anyway but it won't be the same.
Truth is, I'll be gutted tomorrow if I don't get into vet school tomorrow and nothing will make me feel better. It's been my ambition since I was a little girl and after all this time it'll be such a blow not to become one. I don't know, maybe it'll all turn out ok but I'm so worried.
Mur.
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[15 Jul 2006|01:01pm] |
Well, time for one of my regular updates. The exams are finally over and the summer has begun and I've enjoyed, almost, every minute of it so far. Strange when you think that we're not going back to school at the end of it but the uncertainty of September is quite refreshing in a way. Can't say I'm looking forward to results day though.
So, what have I been up to you ask? Most of you know that the day after my last exam I headed straight off to Manchester with Chris to stay with his uncle Paul. I had one of the best weeks of my life and we barely even did anything. We went shopping in one of the biggest shopping centers in europe, spent an evening dressed up as cowboys/girls at a hoe-down BBQ and visited a safari park but the best parts of it were just the little things. Things like watching a film together, making our dinner together or just going for a dander and then there were the times when we'd wake up together and that's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I really wish we could've stayed for longer but it was time to head home and go to Oxegen!
Susan and Joey have covered the whole weekend so I won't bore you all by doing it again but I'll give you a few of my highlights. My favourite acts of the weekend were Placebo and Regina Spektor. Brian Molko has the most haunting voice and I loved the setlist although a few of the classics were overlooked. Half way through their set the sun came out and I think the weekend started to look up from that point! I highly recommend going to see Placebo. Amazing. Then there was Regina and, like Jo, all I can say is WOW! I was a newbie fan before we went to see her and now I'm obsessed. I cried my way through Fidelity and Us was so beautiful. She's not up to everyone's tastes (see Chris and Mark's quick departure from the tent) but I think everyone should give her a try. I have to see her again!
There were so many great moments during the weekend like the emo fight or Mark's binliner coat but I think most of it's been covered. All I can say is that I need to go back next year and have the same brilliant weekend all over again. I have to say that I'll probably see more smaller bands next year rather than spend my whole day at the mainstage and I'd probably bring less food next year...at least I didn't starve!
And on Thursday I turned 19. Hard to believe that I'm not even a newly fledged adult anymore. I still don't feel particularly 'adult' but, y'know, I haven't thrown up in my shoes for a while so I must be learning something. I had a nice day and I got some brilliant presents, especially my two Oxegen mix CDs! I've had them on repeat in my CD player. I also got some new ghds which I wasn't expected at all and loads of money. I'm resisting the urge so spend it. Chris got me my most favourite-tist purfume in the world so I smell all nice too. Going out to celebrate that night wasn't very successful as the club we were heading for was closed. That put me a miserable mood and as it's my 'special time' this week...let's just say it wasn't pretty. Anyway, we got home easy enough and I'm considering having a girlie dinner or something to make up for a failed night out if anyone is up for it (that includes you, Babs!). 19, though. That's a scary age to be. 20 years old next year!! AHHH!
So, I've been spending the rest of my time working up at the boarding kennels again. It's good money and I'm enjoying myself so I doubt I'll look for another part-time job over the summer. I want to enjoy myself too! I'm going away to Newcastle with my family next week too so I'll have lots of money to be spending on all those things I don't really need.
Things with Chris have been a bit odd recently. It's hard to talk about the things you're most worried about when you know you'll burst into tears as soon as that topic of conversation is brought up. However, I can't keep anything from him for a long time so we had a talk the other day. It's about him possibly joining the army. I know he's applied for the quick qualifications and money but I don't think he's been thinking about the long term consequences of signing up. Look at the world today; he's trying to tell me he won't be sent off to Iraq as soon as he gets his foot in the door? I know him better than anyone and I know he wouldn't be happy doing that.
It's difficult not to act selfishly about the situation and you've no idea how many nights I've cried myself to sleep, debating what to do in my head. I told him the truth though. If he joined and were sent away, I wouldn't stay with him. It wouldn't be fair on me and he knows that. We talked for a long time and I think he realised that he doesn't really want to join. I think he's considering going back to tech and starting again with a new course. It makes me feel so much more secure to think that he wants to make this new start. He might not even get into the army anyway because of his past history of asthma. I hope he doesn't change his mind as soon as Andy talks to him again.
Then there's me going away in September. In January time, it felt so far away but now that we're in July, it's dawning on me that in a few months I won't be able to see him half as much as I see him now and that breaks my heart. Everyday I imagine what it'll be like when he leaves me home for the last time and it always ends the same way. I can't say goodbye to him.
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[31 May 2006|04:56pm] |
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First update in months and it's not even going to be a very long one.
I got my application stuff from Liverpool for accommodation today and it's got me so excited about university. In a few months I'll be on the road to leaving home and making my way in life and I can't wait to do it. Ahhh, responsibility for myself; I love it.
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[21 Apr 2006|10:50pm] |
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Ohh I'm all brunette again. I'm quite excited.
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[06 Apr 2006|04:43pm] |
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And the final UCAS decision has been made and sent off. It was just stupid leaving it any longer. My decision is as follows:
Veterinary Science- Liverpool- Firm
Bioveterinary Science- Liverpool- Insurance
To Liverpool I go!
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[30 Mar 2006|10:10pm] |
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Meh, I knew I'd cry! I was going so well too, until he brought us all out in front of everybody. I thought the whole night was great and I'm really proud of everybody! Plus, Chris got most of it on video so I'm going to watch it all tomorrow. It's weird listening to yourself playing. It's like when you hear your own voice on video or something. Different. My performance sounded pretty crap in bits to be honest but it was the last one! Ever! Seven years and it's all over. I'll miss it.
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[28 Mar 2006|06:17pm] |
Well I got rejected from Nottingham today. I kinda wanted an offer from them because it's lower grades and you'd get all this nice free stuff but Liverpool has a lot of upsides too. Living in the city would be fun. So, it looks like I'm going to Liverpool no matter what happens; I'm putting Veterinary as first chioce and Bioveterinary as second.
I'm tempted to write a letter of complaint back to Nottingham though. They offered me other courses in the biosciences; recommending animal science because all aspiring vets would love to do animal science, obviously. Anyway, the letter was saying how I couldn't use it as a back door into veterinary and I quote,
"This by the way is the same policy as with other Vet Schools, despite some 'off the record' comments you may have been offered, particularly in relation to 3-year Vet / BioVet degrees which carry with them the additional disadvantage of labelling students for life as a failed vet!"
How DARE they say that about Bioveterinay? Have they looked at the quantity and range of careers taken by BioVet graduates? It's a damn sight better than anything animal science could offer me. I'm SO annoyed at them. Liverpool is the oldest Vet school in the United Kingdom; you'd think they wouldn't put their name to a course if their graduates were considered "failures".
Bastards.
Anyway, I'm a bit disappointed about not getting the offer but it'll all turn out alright in the end, no matter what I end up doing.
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[25 Mar 2006|08:55am] |
I got an offer for Veterinary at Liverpool!!!!!
I am SO chuffed.
But I need AAA and I'm not sure I could acheive that to be honest. Doesn't matter though, I got an offer at least.
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[19 Feb 2006|12:42pm] |
I believe in memories;
They look so pretty when I sleep,
And when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me.
But there is not enough time,
And there is no song I could sing,
And there is no combination of words I could say,
But I will still tell you one thing:
We're Better together.
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[15 Feb 2006|12:05pm] |
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So, Happy Valentines everybody. Never been into it myself but it's been nice considering what I was like this time last year! I came home yesterday to find a little bunch of red roses on my back doorstep from Chris and needless to say, it made me cry for all of ten seconds. I love how he makes the extra effort for me when I'm not expecting it. Then he came over and brought me a bottle of coke and a yorkie bar because he couldn't get me any doughnuts. He's brilliant, in case you didn't realise that, and you can throw up right now if you feel like it.
I got him a pot plant called Bert. He loved it!
Anyway; I've been pretty busy recently. There was the formal which I never even bothered updating about. It was a great night and I'll never forget it; so worth all the hassle! I would've put pictures up but I'm sure most of you have seen them all by now anyway. Then I've had the interviews. Bristol rejected me but I didn't really want to go there anyway and I was at Nottingham last week. I think it went a lot better than last time and I really liked the new course and the campus so I will be quite disappointed if I don't get in. Unfortunately, the odds on going there are pretty much against me. One can only dream I suppose. Next week I have Liverpool and I have to prepare a five minute presentation on why I want to be a vet. This could be a challenge.
Aside from UCAS business, there's the mocks all this week. My last one is tomorrow (yes, I know, I am a lucky bitch) but it's Maths and Maths is not my friend. At least I'll have them over with because I seriously need the break. Nothing could ever have prepared me for A level. Even AS was so much easier than this!
Right, so I wrote this out of boredom while watching the Grammys and I actually have a lot of revision to be doing for the morning. Ahh.
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[29 Jan 2006|05:27pm] |
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Ahhhh I think I might go orange...
And I can't wash my face until the morning.
For the love of God, let me wash my face.
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[26 Jan 2006|08:33pm] |
Damn, I need to write an entry. It might be post formal-ish.
Actually, maybe not. I've done all the revision I thought would take hours and I've nothing better to do but ramble to you lot. So, I haven't written a proper entry in what seems like weeks. It probably has been weeks actually. I've done quite a lot; the most notable thing would be my Bristol interview and resit exams. Let's talk about them.
So the resits were ok and I'm just glad they're over.
The interview began with, "What happened with your chemistry?" and so it went from there. Well, actually, it wasn't that bad and they actually thought I was funny for some reason so maybe it'll be ok. I'm not too fussed anyway, I don't really want to go to Bristol that badly and I still have the Nottingham and Liverpool interviews to go. I need to start revising my animal diseases in more detail. Meh.
Andddd, the rest of this entry would be filled with pre-formal excitement if I could be bothered.
Which I can't.
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[09 Jan 2006|05:45pm] |
Well, the future's got me worried, such awful thoughts
My head's a carousel of pictures
The spinning never stops
I just want someone to walk in front
And I'll follow the leader
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush
Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs
I almost forgot who I was, but came to my senses
Now I'm trying to be assertive, I'm making plans, want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all their demands
But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers
Yeah, I know I should be brave
But I'm just too afraid of all this change
And it's hard to focus through all this doubt
I keep making this "To Do" list but nothing gets crossed out
Working on the record seems pointless now
When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?
Well I'm trying to take some comfort in written words
Yeah, Tim I heard your album and it's better than good
When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together
'Cause I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by
All those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting our time
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled, in those basements made of music
But now I've got to crawl
To get anywhere at all
I'm not as strong as I thought
So when I'm lost in a crowd
I hope that you'll pick me out
Oh, how I, I long to be found
The grass grew high, I laid down
Now I, wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand
I've been laying so low
Don't wanna lay here no more
Don't wanna lay here no more
Don't wanna lay here no more
Don't wanna lay here no more
No more...more...
But if everything that happens is supposed to be
And it's all predetermined, can't change your destiny
I guess I'll just keep moving, someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going
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[09 Jan 2006|03:36pm] |
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I haven't updated in ages. Well, I haven't been up to much, it has to be said. I didn't go into school on Friday for reasons I'll explain later but I spent the evening with Chris, stayed at Chris' on Saturday, did nothing on Sunday and today I'm not in school again but I have a headache this time so I suppose it's excusable.
So on Wednesday Chris brought up this idea about him joining the Royal Engineers in the Army. It's because he hated his job and he didn't want to spend the rest of his live sitting around at home. I really did feel for him and I have no idea what it must be like to be in a job with no idea what to do next. I mean, I have my whole life ahead of me, university, a good qualification in something so I can get a good, steady income in the end. However, I couldn't take it if he went away. I know it's selfish but if he left to train in England, with no guarantee that he'll come back home again, I'd have to finish with him. On Thursday night, I went to his house with the intention of doing just that but I couldn't get the words out and I think it must have changed my mind. I realised that I can't tell what's going to happen to any of us in the future so I should really just take each day as it comes and Chris has these ideas all the time, he says it himself.
So on Friday I didn't go into school because I was feeling very sorry for myself and also because I had far too much revision to be doing, not that I did much anyway. I spent the rest of my weekend with Chris and it was all very nice.
Today he lost his job. He says he's happy about it but there must be some sense of discontent with it as well. I left him this morning to go down to the job centre but I don't know if he'll get anything. I'm just worried that it'll push him further in the direction of leaving for the army. I think I'm more worried about his situation than he is. He said something about maybe getting a job in Tesco for a while because they pay more than his last job did but I know he won't want to stay there for long. I don't know why he doesn't start a course in tech; there's nothing stopping him getting some extra qualifications.
So, I feel like crap because even though I've comforted myself, the fear that Chris might not be there in a few months is still at the back of my mind. I know it's stupid but you can't blame me. On top of that I have my first resit exam tomorrow and I really don't know how it's going to go. I've revised pretty hard for it but it depends on the questions I get. We all know that Maths and Science aren't where my strengths lie and if I get a question that's totally different to anything I've ever done, my mind will go blank and I'll fail the paper. Again. All I need is to increase the B I got at AS and I can still do the Biovet. course in Liverpool. I'm really worried.
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[02 Jan 2006|02:08pm] |
I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.
-Bridget Jones's Diary
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[31 Dec 2005|12:01am] |
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i just love being female
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[29 Dec 2005|11:51am] |
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
I doubt it
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